Healing, please!

Have I experienced a miracle of healing in my life?

I’d say both yes and no.

I’m not hiding from anyone that I’m suffering from what is called “moderate to severe Rheumatoid Arthritis”, together with Sjogren’s Syndrome – it’s been many years now. I had a stroke a couple of years ago and still some problems that come from that, but I have found ways to work with that, or around that. Taking meds daily, and self-injecting immunosuppressants on a weekly basis has become part of my routine.

Now if God would just shake his magic wand and heal me, that would be awesome! But I don’t think it works like this. Not that I don’t think that God can’t heal – that thought is far from me. But if He did it every time somebody got sick, there would be no more ill people in the world. Illness and disease are (sadly) part of this world – but sometimes, some people receive special grace, freely.

Nevertheless, in accordance with Scripture, I did have the elders from church anoint me with oil and pray for me; I asked, and they graciously did so, and God in his grace met me, right where I was. He did not heal my chronic diseases, but He made me another gift.

I felt his presence and his love surround me, and his peace calm all my worries and fears. I felt God close to me and comfort me, his peace was so soothing, literally like balm to an aching heart, calming all the “Why’s?” and “When will the pain end?”

Now I have experienced healing in other parts of my life, concerning my past. It is both spectacular and not. I’m saying that it is not spectacular because there are no blood tests to confirm it, or no broken leg that is miraculously mended. But it is spectacular because I could have ended up so differently to now.

From my youngest years on, I have been abused, beaten, insulted – and some of it on a daily basis. I have been raped a couple of times. I was hurt and distrusting, especially towards men, and had no more self-esteem, and no confidence in myself and my capabilities and was on the way to developing –or already had- some eating disorders.

It took many years, much gentleness, patience and some frustration and anger to be able to let go of this shit, and also to forgive myself (because, in some weird and warped way, I had turned much anger against myself unconsciously) – to let God heal me, bit by bit. God doesn’t force, doesn’t impose. He was there when I was ready, never condemning, always loving.

That’s why I answered the question about the miracle of miracle with both ‘yes’ and ‘no’, because when talking about miracles of healing, many people think about physical healing.

Not that this disease is something good, but I have learned certain things through it. I learned to live day by day, in a good sense: take each day as it comes, and accept it as a gift from God. I learned be more patient – with myself and others; I learned a couple lessons about serenity and tranquility, and trusting and relying on God, and always staying positive:

Life is a gift to be cherished; it is something I want to remember, every day. To be grateful for what I have, and see every ray of the sun, every drop of rain, every song of a bird as a smile from God. There is so much beauty around me, if I only care to open my eyes and my heart; so much love – and even more if I share it.

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